The title of this post is a quote from the great George Carlin, and I think it pretty well explains how I feel whenever I try to share my ideas with people. It is certainly how people react when I share my idea with them, going by the look on their faces. But that doesn’t stop me from sharing. This particular idea I have had for years now, and although it might be slightly old hat by the time this post goes out, I figure I should share it with the larger blog reading world.

Lately, there has been much to do about the name of the Washington DC football team. Their previous name was no longer considered proper for polite society, and so there was much to say about what the new team name should be.

I have had a great idea regarding this, that I have been advocating for some time.

I don’t know fuck all about football. But the team names seem to follow a certain pattern. They seem to (largely) be sort of pseudo-mythical figure that are considered powerful, or dangerous. Largely. Again, I don’t actually know fuck all about football, so let’s not think about what exactly a 49er might be. But the generally idea seems to hold if you squint your eyes and don’t think to much about it.

As a Washingtonian of sorts (I wear many hats), I can attest to the fact there is a great and fearsome creature native to Washington DC, and it has taken on a pseudo-mythical stance over the past few years. Certainly, it is better than just calling the team “Washington Football Team“.

Seriously guys? The fuck… It was cute when ‘Untitled Goose Game’ did it.

So here is my suggestion. The “Washington Football Team” should be rebranded “The DC Lobbyists”.

Hear me out.

For those of you who do not know, a Lobbyist is a professional advocate of the American political class. They give suggestions to politicians in regards to laws, and how laws should be made and changed. Hypothetically, this is not a bad thing, but currently they stand as some of the most hated entities in America. They are almost universally hated, as everyone, right or left, can simply blame them for the ills of society. But, as if these creatures were from mythology, we just can’t seem to get rid of them.

So just imagine: The DC Lobbyists come on to the pitch¹. Their uniform² has gone from the maroon of the past to something mirroring an expensive Armani suit, down to pinstripes. Painted just beneath the collar, a little swatch of white and a stitched on fake tie. With the team walks out their mascot: an individual wearing a real Armani suit, and carrying a briefcase of fake currency. At every contested play, the mascot runs onto the field³ to make a show of attempting to bribe the referee.

Now that is what I call entertainment. Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?

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