1 : a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man

The first time someone ever referred to me as a curmudgeon  I was in university.  It definitely felt like something that fit, or at least it did after I ran to a dictionary to look the word up. I no longer remember what the conversation was about, but I remember that the person who said it to me, and how many of our conversations were largely about my refusing to fit in with other people. Frankly, ‘refusing’ was mostly his assessment, as I was mostly just too stupid to get how other people worked.

But I am not going to lie, i kinda liked the label. I sometimes try to reject it, but it really is something deeply ingrained in me.

Curmudgeon apex was hit some time ago when the moron flatmate decided to subject me to a new hit song called ‘Squidward Nose’, by Cupcakke.

The song is largely negligible, but this god damned music video…

It’s a trash masterpiece. But don’t get me wrong,  I am not one to think that ‘music now-a-days is garbage’ people.






(And I even like one of those above songs. Guess which one.)

Ninety percent of everything is garbage, and modern music is no exception. I guess I am just becoming increasingly concerned that I am becoming an old disapproving man far too early in life. Watching the Cupcakke video I just felt like society had really gone to far this time. I felt, in other words, like my dad.

It isn’t just happening with music.

I went to see Avengers: End Game on opening night. I had previously seen two movies in the Richmond area, and both of them were pretty much ruined by audience participation. So I counted my good fortune when I just so happened to be back in NoVa when this movie dropped. I needed to get the fuck away from my super needy father, and so I made an excuse and looked for something to do. I managed to find one singular ticket that didn’t suck, and so I went to see a 1am showing.

Of course, I was sat next to a college-aged child, who decided he needed to get his boyfriend caught up on what was happening on the screen by narrating the events of the screen as they happened. “Did you see Captain America hit the bad man?” he would say, just after Captain America hit the bad man. I would have been more patient were his boyfriend visually impaired, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

I lasted maybe 10 minutes before channeling my inner Lester Freamon and snapping at the kids:


“Will you two fucking Ivy-Leaguers give it a rest? I didn’t drop $15 on this movie for your running commentary”


It worked. I had a blessed radius of silence after that.

(And lastly, the WikiHow article I stole the Image up top from is the most god damned comical thing I ever read)

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