This will likely be as clickbaity a title as ever I shall produce.

There are many things in China that I simply have no desire to talk about. There are some pretty horrible things that people witness here, and there is very little you can do about it. Much of this has to do with cleanliness.

At this point I have forgotten exaclty what I have and have not complained about on this blog, so I hope to be forgiven for perhaps repeating myself. Those things that I have seen that I wish could not be seen all have to do with bodily functions. And it has gotten so bad that I cant even recount the anecodtes to my colleagues any more; I walk into my office and the minute I say “You’ll never beleive what I just saw-” my boss (not Chinese) is scowling at me and letting me know non-verbally that I need to keep my mouth shut.

One such case was when I was heading down stairs to go get lunch when I saw a woman holding what looked like her grandchild over a trashcan birth-of-Simba style. The child was lifting his legs aloft and defecating straight down into the trashcan. I can give the old lady the benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe she didn’t know where the bathroom was. However, had she only turned 180 degrees, she would have seen the god damn human sized sign indicating that the bathrooms were just down the coridor.

I’m at this point used to this behaviour. I’ve seen this shit at this shopping center, at other shopping centers, on the metro platform waiting for the train (once again within eyeshot of the bathroom every metro platform of every station has), on the streets, in parks. If you can think of a place in China, someone either has or is pissing on it. And its unexcusable because China is papered with public restrooms like no other place I have ever seen before in my life.

(as I am bitching about these things I should like to point out that I am feeling sick today at work, and my colleagues daughter just walked in with a cold and started coughing on everything. Hands in pockets as she did it. Didn’t even consdier the possibility of covering her mouth)

Part of the problem is that people don’t really have any bathroom etiquette to speak of. I saw a little boy just pump into the woman’s like he fucking owned the place. He may have been looking for his mother, but I could just as eaily imagine him looking for a urinal and, upon not finding one, settling for a sink.

Worse yet. One day I went to the bethroom and settled into a urinal. Just as I committed to what I was doing a man walks in with his two daughters. He tries the first stall and, finding it closed, reckons the best course of action is to assist them in using the urinal. Not the one several urinals down from me, but the the one right next to mine. With horror, I focused my gaze on the bricks in front of me and stared at them like a fucking magic eye painting. I didn’t see what was going on, but from the sound being produced I could tell it was not going well. By the time I was finished the man was assisting the second daughter, and I was standing in a pool of urine.

But the absolute worst? The eye of Sauron. It cathces me off guard every time. If you are wondering just how it is that Chinese grandmother’s can allow their grandchildren to defecate with such ease, I can tell you. It is because children are dressed in pants with a slit over the genitals and arse, for ease of access. Of course, they are not wearing any underwear or (considering the god damn age of the children in question) diapers, because that would be fucking civilized. They are rocking these things commando. Note that it is not those thing you sometimes see with the window that can be buttoned up. These pants are merely slit in the rear. And then these grandmothers don’t think twice about letting the children, and their uncovered asses run around, jump crawl and play all over public spaces. So you’ll be walking around the mall minding your own business when you see a grandmother and her ward sitting on a bench in the mall. The granmother is sitting normally, looking like she is having a proper rest after a busy day of holding children over trashcans so they can defecate. The child is sitting on all fours looking for something on the other side of the bench, his weapon aimed right at your face. That’s wwhen you see it.

The eye of Sauron.

God damn it. You didn’t want to see it, it was imposed upon you.

My fucking pet rabbits are more well trained then Chinese children.