I knew I wanted to go to Shanghai, but what the hell would I do there? I was going to hang out with a friend that lives there After all, I don’t particularly care for China, and at this point I am beyond the will to fucking learn anything. But the very same friend I was visiting gave me a suggestion; why not visit the Jackie Chan museum?
I was sold on the spot.
I was linked to an article from one of the many China blogs which described the place in some pretty whimsical terms. The compared it to entering Jackie Chan “fractured subconscious”. I am not terribly sure I agreed. There were moments where I would take it a step further and say that this museum was like stepping into the man’s ego.
Or better yet, it was like looking at the world through the lens of someone elses solipsism. Enjoy.
I haven’t a god damn clue what this is.I have a clue what this is, but I have no idea why.The article that tipped my off to this place joked that this pig must be smoking pot with Jackie Chan’s son. I feel like this is more or a warning than anything else.One more shot, because pigHere we see a world revolving around Jackie ChanOne wonders what terrible fate lies ahead for the Taj MahalI don’t think this guy bears a great likeness to Jackie ChanThis guy looks a bit too serious to be Jackie Chan
That dragon is about to get it.
And that was just the outside. Once you pay the massive entrance fee (I paid 180 RMB, which is about 30$USD, and about 600% more than my lunch budget for a work week) things really begin to take a turn for the non sequitur. Here is a wall of foreigner words that greets you when you walk in.
This appears to be a wall of ‘love’
But that is where things start to get complicated. After that the words get a little more haphazard, till eventually it turns into a nonsensical pastiche. Then you are confronted with a video of Jackie himself trying to give a post-hoc rationalization of the museum. And for reasons I couldn’t understand, there was a cartoon penguin involved. Strap in ladies and gentlemen. This place gets weird.
Diligence I can get behind.A little further there was one that read “No TV and no beer make Homer something something”Welcome to crazy town.The museum was filled with replica filmmaking equipment.It actually looked at this point like real equipment spray painted white.The wackyness comethHere begins the WTF. Don’t ask me about the child.A model meant to illustrate being spanked in school. I have no idea.Guns.This was meant to show how Jackie Chan lived during the beginning of his career. The poor dear thinks this is humility.Martial arts gear.A Jackie Chan statue. First of many.
It was around this point I realized that we could call the game. There was no point in trying anymore. Narcissism has been won. It’s over. There were moments in this museum that seemed so incredibly egomaniacal, to which my reaction was ‘the horror, the horror, the absolute horror‘.
Another Jackie Chan figurine.Not entirely sure.Among all the kung-fu arms there are of course the two making a heart. Because Jackie Chan is all about the love.You could hang a potted plant on these fingers.Halt!You thought I was joking.Jackie Chan thinks with his hands
This picture is here just to show that Jackie Chan buys his bulbs at Ikea.Jackie Chan’s threading needle style.Movie propsRandom shark.A pretty good parking job for ChinaJackie Chan’s stunt gearHall of one’s self. If you are Jackie ChanHere are all the stabby things ever launched at Jackie Chan.If you listen carefully you can hear Mr. Chan’s ego, breathing heavily and touching itself.All the movie postersWhy cyrillic? My guess is that movie may have been forcibly put down the throats of innocent Eastern Europeans by Putin or LukashenkoThe other blog I read referred to this as ‘the wall of ass Jackie Chan has likely tapped’A trophy roomHe got lots of recognition for sure.The Foster’s award. Foster’s, Australian for undrinkableThese might as well be participation trophies.
Um, no…One of the few non-Jackie Chan items of the museumBusts of Jackie Chan were not available at the gift shop.Action figureHis own wine in both white and red.Old man JackieA not Jackie Chan dragonMore not Jackie ChanMore not Jackie Chan
The whole museum in retty much one picture.Gladiator ChanWire horseA random SUV. Or was it? I dont actually know much about Jackie Chan. Also, not too sure it was realJackie doing another stuntThis right here is what makes this the museum for people who hate museums.Jackie Chan on some kind of scooter thing is an excellent way to terminate this trip.
Narcissism as a description of Jackie Chan is very accurate. He has an illegitimate lesbian daughter who he has abandoned even when she was homeless. He is disinheriting his son who’s had problems even though he himself admits he was a terrible father. He is cruel to women and a womanizer. He used to beat up people for fun. Jackie Chan is a total narcissist to the point of absurdity, he’s a really horrible person.
Locus Horribilis 
I am so glad that you’ve shared this. Lol. I definitely will not visit this place, thanks for the warning. 😂
LikeLike
Narcissism as a description of Jackie Chan is very accurate. He has an illegitimate lesbian daughter who he has abandoned even when she was homeless. He is disinheriting his son who’s had problems even though he himself admits he was a terrible father. He is cruel to women and a womanizer. He used to beat up people for fun. Jackie Chan is a total narcissist to the point of absurdity, he’s a really horrible person.
LikeLike