In fact, two
But who cares about all that. Something much more important is a foot.
I have traveled to an alternate universe, and am now stuck here. If you are reading this know that I am not of this world. I am from an alternate place, a place where Jurassic World was an awful movie. I recall, back in my universe, watching the trailers with friends, and all of us agreeing that this movie was going to be complete shit. I mean, Chris Pratt riding with velociraptor? No, there is no way they are going to pull that off. And it seemed like everyone I knew was on board with the consensus that this shit would indeed suck.
So I paid for my ticket and sat down to watch the thing. Well, it turned out to be something of a disappointment, but in a strange direction. The movie was for the most part just really dull. It was also poorly written and had a cast of characters I could not come to empathize with. Even Chris Pratt’s raptor-whispering didn’t turn out to be the comedy gold I was expecting. And many scenes made no sense to me; what the hell was I supposed to feel at the scene where the brontosaurus was dying?
It didn’t really do much for me.
As the one scene where its established that the two parents of the kids were getting divorced. Thank you for that drop of plot, entirely unimportant character.
Close to the beginning the movie makes some pretty bold claims, launching into that meta direction everyone seems to love these days ( thanks to Danny Pudi’s character from Communtiy). The film declares two things; that sponsorship has run amok, and that people are no longer satisfied with dinosaurs. Oddly enough those would be a good description of Jurassic World itself. For me, this would be endearing if the movie was not so frustrating in itself.
Eventually the movie got close to its close, but only after a completly predictable twist regarding the nature of the GMDino they created to haul the plot forward. Just when I thought nothing would redeem the colossal sense of bad movie blue balls this show was giving me, the movie decided to end with what has to be the most colossally stupid end fight scene I have ever seen. I almost cried from the laughter I was in. I truly cannot recall the last time I had seen anything so stupid. It was possibly worth the price of admission for that alone.
MEANWHILE, IN RUSSIA